The Cocoa Party(Nemesis of the Tea Party Who Became the Trumpsters)

It was in the summer of 2009 when we were initially informed of an American fringe group who protested President Obama to express their misguided anger(racism?) regarding their steadfast belief that he was a Kenyan socialist. This was in spite of the fact that the president wasn’t born in Kenya(the falsehood was initiated by pathological liar Donald Trump), and he wasn’t even close to being a socialist(Obama was a corporatist given his refusal to prosecute any of the financial institutions/banks responsible for the collapse of the economy in 2008). Actually, the racism of the Tea Party was misguided given the fact that President Obama isn’t fully African-American; he is actually biracial due to his mother, Dr. Ann Dunham, being a white woman who was born in Kansas. However, the protests of the Teabaggers continued with plenty of funding from Charles and David Koch, billionaire brothers who were also from the sad state of Kansas(the rock band of the same name wasn’t much better with their pedestrian rock songs in the 1970’s).  If I had a billion dollars to spare in 2011 for my progressive views, then I would have financed an archenemy of the Tea Party and named them as the Cocoa Party.  As a Chicagoan from the same city that became Barack Obama’s new home as a community organiser helping disenfranchised people(wasn’t this similar to the work being done by Jesus Christ from two-thousand years earlier?), I wish that my radical idea had been implemented before the Teabaggers had an opportunity to devolve into the White trash Trumpsters from dumpsters responsible for Donald Trump “winning” the presidential election of 2016…while actually losing by three million votes.  The Cocoa Party was well aware of the fact that ever since President Obama became the commander-in-chief, the overall taxes paid by the racist White people of the Tea Party had either remained exactly the same or slightly decreased; this was totally unacceptable to them because of the government’s new face having a skin colour that was much darker than their own.  The Teabaggers(tea bagging: a gay sex act in which one man’s testicles are dangled into the mouth of another man) were furious that they paid less in taxes than when the White man, George W. Bush, occupied the White House.  Those morbidly obese and gun-toting citizens wanted their country back, as the expression of taking it back referred to a period of time before the Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Act of the 1960’s; President Johnson’s legislation precipitated a strong shift of Democrats becoming Republicans in their response, especially in the southern states that had previously held contempt for Republican Abraham Lincoln’s much bolder initiatives during the 1860’s.

In hindsight, I have to ponder all of the things wanted by the Tea Party given a cursory glance at the modern Republican policies that impacted their taxes. Did they reject the concept of their taxes paying for a crumbling infrastructue of the roads and bridges on which they drove their American cars? Did the Teabaggers reject the idea of their taxes paying for public schools where their children would be “educated” for both grammar school and high school?  Were they opposed to the mail(United States Postal Services) being delivered to their home for six out of seven days during the week? Were they opposed to the fire department preventing the destruction of their home and the police department from protecting it when crime was committed? We know that Teabaggers and Trumpsters have never been shy about contacting the police whenever they see a suspicious person of colour in their neighbourhood; the suspicion, of course, is always related to the skin colour.  Finally, were the Teabaggers opposed to their taxes being converted into money for retirement in the form of Social Security? Did they ever realize that it was a form of socialism as indicated in the name(“Social”) of the “entitlement” program itself?  The nonexistent members of the Cocoa Party want to remind the Teabaggers that recent history hasn’t forgotten when the national unemployment rate reached 10.8% in 1982 during the first term of their patron saint, Ronald Reagan. In fact, St. Reagan raised taxes on eleven(!) separate occassions in seven of his eight years in the Oval Office; it was only in 1981 when a significant tax reduction occurred, and this exacerbated a severe recession that didn’t end until Reagan’s “fiscal responsibility” involved runaway spending. As a result, Reagan was responsible for tripling the deficit to a sum total of 2.8 trillion dollars by January of 1989; this was roughly three times as much as the first eighty years of the previous century from 1900 until 1980 had accumulated altogether.  Who can claim “fiscal responsibility” with those numbers?

As we’ve learned in the news recently, Donald Trump has created a deficit with tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans(the real intent of Reaganomics) for a projected deficit that will also reach a trillion dollars.  How can the clown car(the driver earned the nickname of Comrade Agent Orange Clown for his treason and buffoonery) be headed for anywhere other than off the financial cliff?  Let’s not focus on the fact that the “R” in the car stands for “Reverse”(Repugnantcan) while the “D” is for “Drive”(Democrat).  The Tea Party members claimed that TEA was an acronym for Taxed Enough Already; I claim that is was an acronym for “Totally Egregious Assholes.”  In fact, I would claim that “PARTY” was also an acronym for “Pathetic Angry Racist Tools Yelling” in their ridiculous costumes from the Revolutionary War. The election of Donald Trump has empowered the racists of America to the point at which the Revolutionary War costumes of Teabaggers have been replaced with the original white sheet robes and conical hats of the Klan; the “values” of white supremacists don’t have to be concealed any longer in Trump’s America. As the president and founder of the Cocoa Party, I would like to require the three prerequisites for membership: 1) you must be completely literate having completed Thomas Frank’s book What’s the Matter With Kansas?(2004) written by one author instead of reading the Libel, uh, Bible written by multiple male authors from more than two-thousand years ago, 2) you must have a three-digit IQ score(sorry, Teabaggers and Trumpsters), and 3) you must accept a fact verified by American historians that Franklin Roosevelt, a democratic socialist, was the USA’s greatest president. The Cocoa Party is open for business if a wealthy donor is interested in funding the nemesis of the Tea Party.  Of course, I have to admit that I didn’t realise the extent of the USA’s fall from grace until the Trumpsters voted for an orange clown with a long history of racism; orange is the new black, as the Netflix television series has confirmed.  It is an excellent period of time in American history to be an expatriate, and I am proud to have escaped an insane nation where the inmates are running the asylum.



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Paul Haider

I am proud to be an expatriate who escaped Trump's America filled with the White trash Trumpsters from dumpsters. I feel the Bern for my favourite Jewish socialist who isn't Jesus Christ. Obviously, I am a huge fan of Bruce Springsteen too.

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